Toxic Relationships

So, today I wanted to write something that just came into my mind recently. It's a situation that has been happening for a while, and though I talk it out, it just never seems like anything is being done. I don't know how many readers I have here, but I want to get the word out as far as I can about toxic relationships.

I have a friend who we shall call Dan. Dan has a girlfriend/fiance/whatever (because I just don't know what to believe) and we will call her Joan. Dan is a sweet guy. I'm obviously biased in his favor, and I know this. But he really is a gentle and loving person. He always puts other people first, and this includes every fight and argument with Joan. Joan is very manipulative. She seems very fake and self centered when we talk. It's always about her, and if the topic delves into something about me or Fiance, she has to bring it back around to her.

I've only ever known Dan through Fiance, because they were friends first. Dan has only ever been helpful and kind in any situation. Joan hasn't been outright mean to me, but I guess she has with Fiance and she says things behind our backs? Although that's just hearsay, so what can I really know for sure?

Dan and Joan have "broken up" a few times since I've known them. Once, Dan had packed up his things and had  moved the things into Fiance's (at the time, just Boyfriend) house. He ended up going back with Joan, but both Fiance and I agree that was probably a mistake.

Most recently, Joan had posted a few times on a social networking site saying things like, "Oh, I just don't know if it's worth it" and other hints that she was ready to break up with Dan. They ended up breaking up that night, but were back together by the next day. Joan's new posts were of hopeful reconciliations with Dan  and how they "will work this out, though it won't be easy/fast." Paraphrasing is amazing, by the way.

In these two scenarios along with others that I don't feel like numbing your minds with, Dan has initiated the break up. And if you remember I said that he is someone who puts others first - always. For someone like him to initiate a break up is saying so much about that other person.

And now to the advice. I don't know you, or your situation. I don't have a personal connection to you right now. I'm just some girl typing on a blog that floats around, mainly unnoticed, through the internet. But I do know that everyone has a right to be treated with respect. I don't care what you've done in your past, if you are willing to change your past mistakes/actions and be a better person, there's no reason to not be given a second chance. That being said, don't keep making the same mistakes!

Don't be like Joan - Don't keep pushing your S.O. to the brink of separation and then rekindling after you realize that you were wrong. Accept that you aren't perfect, and your S.O. isn't perfect, and life isn't perfect. People make mistakes, they act on emotions over logic, and sometimes they are wrong.

A successful relationship is worth all the lonely nights, the stupid arguments over nothing, the bad, the ugly and anything you've ever been through. A successful relationship will make you realize that you aren't here alone. But when you're with a toxic person feeding you poison in your relationship, you're going to feel alone and wrong and just awful all the time. That's not what life and love are about.

Best Friends

Best friends are supposed to be there for each other; to talk, listen and hang out. Abandoning and ditching aren't really part of those first three categories unless you're including opposites.

It's not that I'm mad, but I feel really left out and hurt when my best friend doesn't take my phone calls, won't call me back, leaves me out of huge parts of her life and then doesn't even realize she's doing it! I mean, what am I? Who am I?

Am I not there for you whenever you need to vent or talk? Have I not supported you throughout the toughest moments in your life so far? Am I not supposed to be your maid of honor, thus including me in your wedding planning? I don't want to be in control, I just want to be there for the moments that make that day (if I'm speaking Solely of the wedding). Have I not signed up to help you and your independent business venture?

When a best friend hasn't called you, and then calls to ask how the business is going, when she should know you're at work, but you take time to answer the call and even say you'll call her back, but then when you do call her back (maybe 30 minutes later) she doesn't answer so you leave a message but she doesn't return the call that day and THEN when you text her the next day asking if she's busy she just responds 'what's up?' It gets a little hurtful.

I feel like I'm not mad at her, but I do feel very disjointed and left out. We've been friends since we were 5, and she goes out with someone else (or no one, I don't know because we haven't talked yet) to find her wedding dress - which I specifically said many times that I'd love to go with her. And something like this, the way I'm feeling, isn't exactly the best thing to leave to a text message.

:/

IDK

Fiancé has been acting weird lately. He says he was in a bad mood last night but its carried over to today as well. It's making me feel awkward when I talk to him or try to make him smile. I don't like it.

Also, I don't have a laptop anymore. I got the blue screen of death and I don't even know what I did! I still have my phone and fiance has a desktop, but my phone is a phone after all and fiancé owns that desktop so how am I supposed to feel comfortable writing and saving personal things?

Also, I've been getting these awful pains in my stomach. I've never had pains like this before. Fiancé says he gets them all the time, but doesn't really know what causes them. And that's not helpful at all because then how am I supposed to fix it and stop it?!

I just don't know what's going on right now but I do know that I'm not really happy about it.