That title sounds a little more perverted than I would like... Oh well.
It's true. I've been blogging for a while as well as typing in a computer-set diary. Nothing was helping, and I started to lose control of my life. The two things that I absolutely want to keep in my control at all times are my happiness and my weight.
Happiness has always been pretty easy for me to come by... I guess I'm a naturally happy/positive person. But recently, with the wedding planning, the stress of living with a slob (sorry, dear) and feeling like I'm screaming but no one will listen to me was breaking me down. Everything was negative, I got extra moody and nothing was worth being happy over. Even my fish-keeping was lacking in the joy department.
That's when I decided I needed to start writing again. Not typing or blogging, but actually writing. And it didn't have to be creative, just my thoughts and feelings. I needed to have a physical memento of my inner most thoughts, what I am really feeling and how it's affecting my life. Today was the first day in a long time that I had a happy dream. Usually my dreams are filled with anxiety or stress or anger or fear. But today, I remember being happy and smiling throughout the whole dream. That felt good.
I also decided to get into physically keeping track of the calories/foods I'm eating throughout the day. It worked once, and for whatever reason, an app on my phone wasn't helping me keep my goals in mind. Something about writing the food down makes it more believable than just typing in a phone application that I can turn off if I don't want to think about it. Writing it on paper makes it real and forever. Also, I think my lazy gene gets turned on high when I'm done for the day calorie-wise. "Do I really want to eat this? I'd have to write it down, calculate the calories, add it to my total... Maybe I'll just have some water."
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