Aggravation!

Freaking grr! Everything is just stressing me out lately.

First, I've got the wedding/reception on my mind. Fiance has given us a $5,000 max. budget for us to spend. First it was $10,000, then $8,000, now $5,000. Not that I want to spend more money - because I'm all for saving. But it's like, all this saving that we have to do is not working for him. Like, he wants alcohol so bad at our reception. IF we could eliminate that, we could save not only the venue fee to rent (because the church is free, just doesn't allow alcohol), but on food (potentially) and the actual bill of having a bartender. Plus it's going to be in March so who knows what the weather will be like to drive in...

Second, my BFF is moving and freaking out about it. She, her hubs and her baby are moving back into her old house (the one she grew up in) because her parents are moving to Missouri. They get the house for free, won't have to pay any mortgages or house payments, and only have to pay utilities and taxes at the end of the year. They will save tons of money, but she just has never felt like that was a home to her. It's always been an unwelcome but familiar place and nothing more. It only bugs me that she's so bummed about having to live there to save up money. Plus it's a town away (20 minutes) so that makes me sad too. We had a good thing going with our jogging. Now we have to start all over AND waste more gas to do it together.

Third, and [embarrassingly] most stressful, is my own body/self image. I had to quit jogging after I sprained my ankle. I waited it out for 6 weeks, just to be sure. I was pretty good about diet and I didn't gain anything until I was about to get my period the other week. I gained 5 pounds, bringing me to 160 - a number I never wanted to see again in my life. I thought, oh, I'll just wait it out... It's water weight. But I was still eating tons of food that I wasn't even hungry for. It's just all stress. I tried jogging by myself, but honestly our new neighborhood isn't set up well for joggers. I tried doing Wii Zumba again, and I did okay, but it is hard work. Now I'm back to seeing myself as that fat, unworthy girl in the mirror again. Unworthy of what? Just everything.

But to take care of the looming depression associated with my bad self image, I have started on a diet again. I upped my calorie intake to 1500 so I don't feel so bad if I go over. And, I realized that if I eat less than 2000, I still am projected to lose weight. Today I had oatmeal and a skinny cow ice cream bar and will have a turkey sandwich for dinner. It's not a lot of calories, so I'm thinking about what foods will make me feel full but also not push me over my limit. Tomorrow, I was going to work out, but BFF needs me to read her rough draft paper for English. I don't really get why, because she'll have a peer review done on it anyway, and everyone's opinions are different, but I'll still do it.